2000 GeekLog Archives

Intensive marketing analysis by the geek-out.com staff has determined that 58% of our users (that being my immediate family) are interrested in the status of my many semi-functional cars.

While in the past we required that one actually go to the VW section to see that log, I'm now going to stuff it into the table on the right. Anything to make your life easier. Of course, since I'm using a floating frame to do this, you Netscape hold-outs will have to do it the hard way.

11/30/00     Hi, my name is Josh, and I have a drug problem...

11/29/00      A timely correspondence:

The text preceded by '>' was the original bit of mailing list propoganda I received from my pal John. The rest is my response to the list. The Moral: Don't fuck with Josh before he's had his coffee.

Well, allow me to retort...

> Important statistics:

Um, no.

> Population of counties won by Gore: 127 million
> Population of counties won by Bush: 143 million

Wow,  those numbers are spinning  like little dervishes.
What does population per county matter, compared to
percentage of VOTERS?   "By county" is used because "by
state" or "by country" would favor Gore, and Prof. Olsen is
far more interested in propping Bush than dealing with
Truth.


> Square miles of country won by Gore: 580,000
> Square miles of country won by Bush: 2,427,000

So Bush won Texas and Alaska.   What does acreage matter?
If all those trees and wild animals in all that empty land
could vote, they sure wouldn't support the Republicans.

> States won by Gore: 19
> States won by Bush: 29

That DOES matter- at least in our current Electoral College
system.   But isn't it really supposed to be about the
number of voters on each side?

Here come Facts - not spun statistics from Republicans
trying to justify the fact that their candidate is going to
take the white house IN SPITE OF the will of the majority
(ok, plurality) of the voters:

Candidate   Votes        Vote %    States        EV
    Gore    50,140,140 	49 % 	19 	   255
    Bush    49,782,288 	48 % 	29 	   246

When Bush adds Florida, he'll gain the electoral votes he
needs to win- but Gore will still maintain a greater number
of popular votes.   More people chose Gore, PERIOD.

No matter who wins Florida (and I think everyone but Gore
has figured out that it will be Bush) the FACT remains that
more PEOPLE  voted for Gore.   The popular will of the
country has been subverted by a system designed to do just
that, for the second time this century.

> Average Murder per 100,000 residents in
> counties won by Gore: 13.2
> Average Murder per 100,000 residents in
> counties won by Bush: 2.1

Aside from being another worthless stat, this tells us that
Gore took the big cities - where the best and brightest, as
well as the dregs reside.   Bush got the popular redneck
vote.   I wonder what the ratio of questionable executions
were for states that went to Bush as opposed to Gore -
that's a stat _I_ would like to see.

This is why, no matter what, I will not vote for a
Republican.   Taking up that party's banner got any
candidate black-balled this year.   My votes went mostly to
Libertarians, with a notable exception of my vote for Gore
(i.e. AGAINST bush).

The reason is that I get crap like this several time a day,
and not just from John.   The vast majority of my friends
and family are Democrats, but I never get similar anti-Bush
crap from them - we hold Bush's lack of palatability to be
self-evident.

But the Republicans seam to feast on this sort of bullshit -
cooked numbers, spun factoids, and childish character
attacks.  Anything to scare people into voting against the
Democrats.  I hate Gore's gun policies too, and I do think
he's flip-flopped on some issues - but since he flopped my
way on them, I don't mind so much.   The problem for the
Republicans is that he flopped in the direction the MAJORITY
of Americans favor as well, and the soccer moms of the world
have got the masses working to disarm us.

Since they can't seem to win on their merits (if Dole
couldn't beat Clinton...), and since they won't let any
honest men lead their party (I still don't know how they
managed to turn McCain into a eunuch) the Republicans work
to confuse the public with half-truths and hysteria.   I
assume most Republicans have stopped reading this by now, so
I won't bother compiling a list here, but Email me if you
want details on what Gore REALLY said about things like,
"inventing the Internet", and "abolishing the internal
combustion engine".   You probably won't like the truth
though, so maybe you should go back to reading the Drudge
Report.

-Josh 
josh_w@sprynet.com


> Professor Joseph Olson Hamline University
> School of Law
> Tel. (651) 523-2142 St. Paul, Minnesota 55104-1235
> Fax. (651) 523-2236


What the hell is HAMLINE UNIVERSITY?   Is that a
Correspondence Course?

11/28/00     I'm sure you're all desperate to hear about my Thanksgiving weekend. Got off to a good start, with my roomate, Alexis, volunteering to drop me off at the airport at 05:45 on Wednesday. The flight was pleasant, and I spent it reading a Sci-Fi anthology I downloaded to my PalmPilot from PeanutPress.com.

Got to L.A. where I spent the holliday consuming mass quantities and trying to teach Eric how to play Tribes. Aside from that we didn't do much besides tinker with his wife's '77 Mercedes, shop, and go out to dinner a lot. I'm still not a big fan of L.A., but I had a good time.

Oh yeah, the schoolhouse section is back. Still need to do a lot of thumbnails and links for all the new images I have, but at least everything that was there before is back again.

11/17/00     We beat Nationwide again, this time 10-1. Kinda sad, actually. Looks like we're getting bumped up a division for the second half of the season. I may actually have to learn to skate at that point.

Somehow I managed to find the time to work on this yesterday. It's still pretty sketchy. Hopefully this weekend I'll bring the schoolhouse section back online.

11/10/00    Well, I think I have everything moved and redirected now. Cleaned up this page a bit, too. Next step will be to tie everything together and massage the navigation a bit. Right now I'm just a bit too busy for that...

All my adoring fans write in,"what's it like to be Josh?" This week it's not so hot. Got in a big fight with my roommate Monday morning, which pretty much set the tone. Bush won the election (I know, they haven't called it yet, but it's a given at this point. Gore'll concede on Tuesday) which means that any judge who leave the Supreme Court in the next 4 years will get replaced with someone as full of conservative shit as W. It also means we'll have troops somewhere new by the middle of his second year in office, assuming he hasn't goaded the Chinese or the Russians into nuking us off the face of the planet by then. It also means a reversal of the recent warming trend towards Cuba, considering his brother's tie-in to Big Sugar in Florida, and his Dad's involvement in the Bay of Pigs. Oh well, at least I get to keep my guns...

This quiz is a tuffy. I only got 3 wrong. Can you top that? The legal stuff is amusing too.

Anyhow, back to the story at hand: Tuesday was looking up. I found a new exhaust and a round headlight grill for my truck REALLY cheap online. I also received an hefty MO for some spare parts I'm selling off. Then on the way home from work the alternator in my truck dies. It was acting flakey for a couple days before that, and hadn't been charging great since I bought the truck, but Wednesday night it stopped altogether - no more juice. Fortunately it's a diesel, so I didn't actually need electricity to drive it home, and the battery had plenty of charge to keep the lights on) Replacement will be $180-250, depending on how much crank I want. So I let the truck sit until I can deal with it.

I get home to find a message from the Dentist's office, about a remaining balance on my uninsured crown work I had done last month. Seems they didn't charge me for it all before, because the new girl thought I had insurance to cover it. Cancelled the exhaust and grill orders.

Pulled the Cabriolet out of mothballs to finish out the week. Discovered some weird stuff when I brake on wet pavement - something's "off" in the front suspension. And I found that one of my front wheel bearings is bad.

That's on top of the fact that it's rained non-stop for two days, and the cabby's top leaks like a sieve, so I've been riding around in a window-fogged, soggy-seated, funky-handeling, funky smelling, wheel bearing growling, poorly head-lighted, no wiper fluid having, crapped-out wiper blade smearing, no open bed to keep my iceskates from making my eyes and sinuses burn having, is it June yet, car.

Tomorrow I put the new clutch in the GTI, and then find out what else is wrong with it.

Oh well, at least we won another shutout in hockey Wednesday - 6-0 against Nationwide's team - and I got my second goal of the season. We play the same team again next week on their "home turf" - the new Nationwide Arena, home of the NHL Columbus Bluejackets. I can eat glass. It doesn't hurt me.

It's Election Day. Hope ya voted (unless you voted for Bush).

Nothing new to report really. Placed in the middle of the pack at that rally, took fifth for the season in the Central Division. Had a mediocre time at the event, raised some hell about it on the rally mailing list, and spent 2 weeks sorting through the e-mail shit-storm that ensued. Other than that, I've just been working, playing hockey (5-1, 6-1, 7-0 so far!) playing Tribes, and sleeping.

10/17/00    InvisibleMode=OFF

(11/01 update: This one used to be commented out, but current events make me give less of a shit about offending people)

I have the answer to Peace in the Middle-East. Yes, friends and neighbors, your buddy Josh has it all figured out.

Before I begin, let me qualify myself: I'm neither Jewish nor Muslim, Hebrew nor Arab. There are some 'steins in my family tree, but my late Gramma was the last person in my line to prepare even koscher-style meals. I have some cousins living in Tel Aviv. What you are about to read is off the top of my head, full of opinion, and probbalbly riddled with innaccuracies. I stand by it, however, and would love to see someone refute it in a logical manner. I've actually had this up

Of course, the idea isn't entirely mine- I belive one of my 4th grade classmates planted the original seed in my mind: "Let's nuke it, and turn the whole place into a big glass parking lot!" Simple, eloquent, and best of all, permanent . Ah, from the mouths of babes...

We don't even have to kill anyone- give everyone a month to pack their shit, and then let off a low-grade blast in the center of Jerusalem - heck, you don't even have to use a bomb; just drop some spare nulear waste over the city.

Then let anyone who wants back in go for it. Whoever God really wanted to build condos on that piece of real-estate should be fine, right? I mean, God won't let his "Chosen Few" turn into glowing mutants and die, will he? Of course not. And those who don't feel sure enough about their status as "Children of the One True God" to face irradiation can move the fuck to Canada and SHUT THE HELL UP.

I mean, have you even seen Palestein lately? Do the people there ever even look around them, and notice what an arid desert shit-hole they live in? God gave up on that dump about a thousand years ago. Forget "milk & honey" - WATER doesn't even flow there anymore! Have any of them ever seen pictures of Montanna? Tennessee? Argentina? Now, those are places worth fighting for. Hell, there are more Jews in NYC than in Israel- can you imagine having a homeland your god wants you to live in that is so dessolate you'd rather live in NEW YOURK CITY? I'd rather have my eyes burned-out with red-hot pokers than live in NYC.

Do they think their god's legs are broken? Can he not find them in Tel Aviv, or Bagdad, or Idaho? Do they think a physical piece of land is more important to him than their happiness and the lives of their children? What kind of sick fuck do they think he is?

Here's my take on the whole thing- I tend to over-simplify, and my Old Testament is a little rusty, so feel free to dispute it: This whole thing is about a series of shady real-estate deals.

At some spoint the Semites (the racial group to which both Arabs and Hebrews belong) shifted from polygamy to monotheism and settled down in Palestein. In between sacrificing produce to their new singular god, they cheerfully visited genocide on any other group that got in their way (met any Sodomites lately?). Eventually these, the descendents of Abraham (Ibrahim, if you're an Arab) grew large enough that they sepperated into tribes and dispersed accross the sub-continent. One of these tribes became know as Hebrews, another as Arabs.

The Hebrews stuck around Palesteine for a while. Then God got bored and let them starve a bit. They promply abandoned their "Promised Land" and ran off to Egypt, where Osirus and co. were being a little more attentive to their people. The Egyptions liked to thank their god by building big buildings, so they enslaved the Jews to get it done. Moses didn't like that, and got God to bail them out. He let them wander around in the desert for a bit, and then brought them back to Palestein- where they found that someone else had set up residence on the land they had abandoned. The promptly slaughtered the interlopers (met anyone from Jerrico lately?) and set to building big stone buildings like they had worked on in Egypt.

Then came the Romans, once again proving that many gods tend to kick one God's ass. {wow, that last lightening bolt came close !} The Jews main achievement under them was offing that heretic, Jesus (I wonder if, in the distant future, Americans will be known as "filthy Koresh-killers"?).

About the same time, Mohammed was stirring up the Arab world with his own brand of monotheism. Since the Arabs were also descendents of Ibrahim, they also felt the need to hang out in Palesteine. Well, between them, the Romans, the Turks, and the later Euro-trash Romans, the region was a mess for about a thousand years. Then the weather changed, the place dried up, the desert moved in, and the only people who stuck around were a mixed bag of races and Abraham-decended religions that shared an afinity for sand. They lived in relative peace for a millenium, and just about any sort of pilgrim was welcome.

So once again Jews abandoned the "Holy Land" in droves. After their previouse excursion into Egypt, they mostly opted for Northern destinations this time. They mixed a bit with the locals (at some point I think there were politically-induced mass-conversions to Judeism, but I'm not sure about that one). That's why most European Jews are physically indestinguishable from gentiles of the same region- not that it stopped them from being picked on wherever they went- those little hats were a dead-giveaway.

Well, we all know what happend to the Jews in Europe during the '30s and '40s. We also know that the Arab world was mostly on the "wrong" side of World War 2. To make up for looking the other way while lederhosen-wearing krautsnarfers stuffed Jews into crematoriums, the world leaders decided to "give" them half of Palestein ("Oh, your entire family was gassed to death for eating matzah balls? Here, have this sand dune." I guess maybe it was better than going back to a flat in Heidelberg, accross the hall from the guy who helped stuff you in the cattle-car bound for Auschwitz.)

Of course, once again, there were already people living there. The Jews displaced them, declared their chunk of Palestein as the new state of Israel, and pretty much the whole Arab world attacked them. Of course, the Arabs were still shooting muzzle-loaders from cammelback at that point, and the Israelis were nicely outfitted with cutting edge American weapondry, so the Israelis kicked ass and doubled their territory.

That was pretty much the trend for the last 50 years, with the Arabs trying to drive out the Israelies, and the Israelies taking more land and building "settlements" on it. This provides them with an endless source of "provocation", as resentfull former residents and the well-armed Jewish settlers rarely do a good job of sharing bus seats.

In the mean time, the former occupants of Israel became refugees, scattered throughout the Muslim world, spreading the kind of cheer that can only come from having someone steal your land and kill your family. Because the U.S. has repeatedly supported Israel, we are a primary target for their angst. Nothing I hate more than having people I sympathize with wanting to kill me.

So now what we've got is two groups who will NEVER be friendly - they've been killing each other for 50 years. It seems to me that the Palestinians are the only ones with any REAL right to the place, unless you take mandates from God into account on real estate deeds- and even the, you'd have to make a judgement on which version of God is right, since both sides claim he wants them there. I say, nuke the place, and let them put up or shut up.

10/13/00    I am going straight to hell.

   I'm pretty sure there's a clause in the Ten Commandments about  "Thou shalt not flirt with nuns."    Of course, how many nuns have you met with a starburst tattoo on the back of their neck (let-alone the fact that you could SEE the back of their neck) and a big iron cross and chain woven into their hair?    Definitely not of the Notre Dame order, unless things have changed A LOT since my days at St. Augustine.   Of course, the fact that she was waiting tables at a seminary probably should have given me a clue.    Fortunately for me, I'm about as forward as an autistic fawn, so I don't think she ever realized that I was flirting before she said something to someone else about being a sister, and I re-directed my attention to the pasta salad.    Yet another reason to be wary of goth chicks.   At least Dad should be happy that I'm courting Catholic girls.
..........................................

I should mention that next week is a rally week- I'll be riding up to the Upper Peninsula for the Lake Superior Pro Rally in Houghton, Michigan.   This was the first "performance" rally that we of RallyVW Racing ran last year, and the only one we didn't finish, so we'll see if we've learned anything since then.   Can't wait to start on the 15 hour trip - the sleeping pills are already packed.

10/10/00     Welcome to Geek Central.   

It worked.    Geek-out.com is live.    Most of my stuff is uploaded there, but I won't have time to do any forwarding links or real updates for a bit.

10/4/00 b    Hell hath no fury like a pissed-off geek- especially on his birthday.    I'm glad I saved my Customer Satisfaction Survey until after I got this.    Hope it gets back to the skippy below - fix THIS yourself, Bitch!    And then go get a job at McDonnalds, where you will be taught the dual lesson of humility and Customer-fucking-Service.    Her message is included in the bottom of my response.    I would have been chewing butts over this one at CompuServe.

1. Never tell the customer to "do it yourself".
2. Never tell a customer to do anything without explicit directions.
3. Never tell a customer to do something that will cost them extra without making them aware of the associated charges.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dell Host [mailto:DellHost@dellhost.com] On Behalf Of Support Dell
Sent: Wednesday, October 04, 2000 12:12 PM
To: josh_w@sprynet.com
Subject: Re: Domain name

Josh 
josh_w@sprynet.com
www.rallyvw.com
ICQ: 76450286



> -----Original Message-----
> From: Dell Host [mailto:DellHost@dellhost.com]On Behalf Of Support Dell
> Sent: Wednesday, October 04, 2000 12:12 PM
> To: josh_w@sprynet.com
> Subject: Re: Domain name
> 
> 
> 
> Dear Josh,
> Your domain name geek-out.com is still available for registration.  Please
> go to Networksolutions.com website and you may do it yourself.  Should you
> have any questions, please feel free to contact us.
> 
> Thank you.
> Neera,
>                                                                  
>                                                                  
>                                                                  
> 
> Technical Support Analyst
> DellHost Tech Support, support@dellhost.com
> http://www.dellhost.com, (888)-832-7166
> 
> 
> 
>                                                                   
>                                          
> from: "Josh"  josh_w@sprynet.com        
> to: support@dellhost.com                                    
> cc:                      
> Subject:     Domain no worky                                      
> 10/03/2000 05:24 PM                                      
>                                                                            
>                                          
>                                                                   
> Hi there,
>    My domain name (geek-out.com) still doesn't resolve.   It's been well
> over a week since I signed up for the service.   Please help me get this
> fixed.
> 
> thanks,
> 
> Josh 
> josh_w@sprynet.com
> www.rallyvw.com
> ICQ: 76450286
> 
> 

Today I turn 29.    I suppose I should be feeling pretty content with myself this year, as I'm in better shape than I've ever been physically, I finally have my debts on the ropes, I have a decent-paying job that I love (had to say, "decent-paying", instead of "great-paying" because it's time for my anual review - wouldn't want them to think that I'm too happy here) and I actually have three cars that start every morning (of course, the GTI won't GO anywhere, as there's no transmission in it, but...).    Anyhow, a lot of stuff is falling into place.

But all I feel is old. It doesn't help that the finger I broke this past Spring chose last night to start serving as a barometer.    All through the night it throbbed to make sure I knew that the first snow-bearing cold front of the season is moving in today.

Aside from the usual festivities (which I can't describe here in case his blushing bride happens upon the page) the best part was the golf outting.    First time I'd ever been on a golf course to do anything but steal golf balls or swim in the water hazzards.    We scrambled with 3 teams of 4.    Only flipped two carts (though I think I deserve an honorable mention for getting mine on two wheels, which sent the groom-to-be flying from the passenger seat and rolling across the turf.    He landed on his back, beer can held aloft, with not a drop spilled- my hero.   

One of the roll-over victims, Chris, was not so lucky, as the cart landed on his arm, scuffing him up pretty well and probably breaking his tibia.    Just as the driver of the cart lifted it upright David Banner-style, the Beer Lady came over the rise in her cooler-cart to see a man laying on the ground and two bags of clubs scatterred accross the course.    "Are you ok? Do you need more ice?" was her response to the situation.    Chris claimed to have been so mad at his... shooting(?) that he threw the clubs and himself on the ground.

I also share my birthday with my great-great grandmother, who is 100 today.    She has 12 children, who produced about 90 grandchildren, who have produced about 300 great-grandchildren, who have so far produced about a dozen great-great-grandchildren.    How Catholic is THAT?    About 3/4 of those converged on NW Ohio last weekend from all over the country for her party.    She still knows all their names, and their spouses' names, and who is whose kid, and who's dating whom (or not dating anyone <cough>).    I can't remember all my first cousins' names.

Being that old must be like traveling through time.    She went to college when you still got there by horse and buggy, and when she was done she taught in a one-room school-house.    Her father was in the Civil War.    She remembers when they first got electricity, when she first saw a car - never mind space exploration and computers.

Wow, a pretty lengthy update.    Best enjoy it, as they'll be sparse for a bit.    Things are getting busy here at work, and I'm falling behind on all my other extra-carricular activities too.    Hopefully I'll be back up to speed by the end of November, when I'm slated to have a contract done.

9/25/00     geek-out.com is BACK.   I got tired of dealing with a dozen differrent free sites with crappy FTP service and deep-linking restrictions.   I signed up for the $18/month Dell service, which gives me 100mb to play with, tons of bandwidth, guaranteed up-time, and no friggin banners or pop-ups.   As soon as the domain goes online this page will re-direct you there.

I'm uploading everything to the new server as I enter this, and I'm seeing a lot of errors, so it may be a while before I have everything up and running. That's OK though, since Network Solutions will no doubt take their sweet-ass time getting the domain registration processed. In the mean time, I'll be working on my self-defense skills and seeking out the next x-Mrs. Josh.   Cruel.com is a cool thing.

9/13/00    Had my first competitive hockey match-up last night since college.   My ass doeth hurt today.   Our goalie stopped MAYBE two shots during the whole game (if you're reading this dude, don't sweat it- we still luv ya!).   I stopped 3 for him (not with my crotch, despite my expectations- but I did fall down to get most of them).   Score: 0-6.   I believe that was the same score as my last Tribes league match- not my month for winning.

This past weekend I went up to my hometown for my 10th anual High School class reunion.   I was in rare form, thanks to all the Southern Comfort and Tequila Rose we "smuggled" into the reception.   Check out the pics.  

If you've got one of these things comming up and are planning on bagging, I beg you to reconsider.  I don't remember much besides having a lot of fun and passing out in the hotel room, leaving my Cabriolet with the top down.   So of course there was a thunderstorm, and my car had an inch of water standing in it in the morning.  

The good news about the wet car is that it actually inspired me to get my garage cleared out enough to park it inside to dry.   I'm pretty impressed with myself.   Now I just need to get the new clutch finished in the GTI - the last of the parts came Monday.

While I was home, I drove around with my dad on Sunday to check out some schoolhouses on his beat.   Got some less-than-steller pics (somebody must have turned down the resolution on the camera the night before - may have been me) which I will post eventually on the rarely updated one-room schoolhouse page...   CRAP!   The page is 404. Geocities must have figured out that I was deep linking it, or else that the home page for it hadn't been touched in a long time.   Oh well, I've still got all those images somewhere in my hard-drive, and I've got lots of server space scatterred about.   Look for it to come back soon.

Oh, and as for my excuse-of-the-week for no updates:   I'm moonlighting as a Web grunt here.   Yes, it's cool.   No, I didn't do all that- Oran's the guru, I just fill in the tables with product info.  Yes, I will code for VW parts.

Dammit.   There's a client with the same name as "M," and she keeps sending me Email.   Stomache does a summersault when I see that name in my In-Box.   Then I open it, see which one it's from, and deflate.   It's been almost two months, but I'm still damaged.  

8/25/00     Man, this day is CREEPING.   Not even a tech support call to help it move along. Too bored to write.   I need inspiration- or maybe just more coffee.

8/18/00     Things are going well.   Decided to pass on the new car thing until I get a house, and bought a kick-ass little Rabbit pickup instead.   Pictures will be up in the VW section soon.

As far as the site goes, the only new stuff aside from the Cabriolet page is that I moved the Stile Project link down on the Demented navigation menu.   Folks, the menu has that name for a reason.   There's some rough stuff on it.   But I figure this one sorta transcends all the others in terms of depravity, so I'm bumping it down a bit, so that new readers can build up to it with the other links.   Stile's gotten a little more... graphic on his main page lately, and I usually try to avoid it on a full stomache, but he is still the best link whore I know of, so there's always something interresting.   The kid just needs a convertible.

Homer sent in this:
Suggested Additions to Webster' Dictionary:

• BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
• SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
• CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
• PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
• MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
• SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
• STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property nd no regrets.
• STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
• SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
• XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
• ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
• IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
• PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
• VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.
• YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
• SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
• ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
• 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located."
• GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
• OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time after you hit the send key in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
• WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks

I must be quite a sight- tearing down the highway at 85mph in my cheerleadermobïle, top down, stereo blaring, singing along to RHCP at the top of my lungs, with a big stupid grin on my face.   I find it impossible to be sullen in a convertible- maybe worried parrents of suicidal teens should consider a rag-top as therapy.   Might even help the pale complexion of your NIN-lovin goth kid.   Hard to build up any angst over the futility of our existence when the sun is on your face and the wind is blasting through your hair.

Well, well, looks like I'm part of a genre.   There's actually a name for this sort of page- no, nimrod, not "Patheticly self-indulgent."   This type of blathering weblog is refered to as an Everything/Nothing E/N site.   Typical characteristics include rants on various subjects by individuals with questionable social skills, flame attacks on other E/N sites for stealing their lay-out/links/graphics, and plenty of S&M porn.   Guess I have some catching up to do.

A sampling...

7/21/00     Not really much news to report; been too busy at work.   As you may have noticed, I'm playing with the colors here a bit.   Real PITA to update all those tags on all my docs.   They're all done though, so it's just a question of getting the updates propogated to all the servers I store this site on.   I actually have it spread out over 4 Geocities accounts, 3 Tripod accounts, and my main Sprynet one, and am no doubt violating all sorts of "deep linking" bylaws.

7/20/00     Well, M has now passed, unrelenting, through the magical two week period in which most women who dump me come crawling back.   Not one phone call or Email from Her though- guess all those dead animals and burning pentagrams I left on her porch sent the wrong signals.   Oh well, my only real regret is that she didn't stick around long enough for me to find out if I would ever get tired of spendin every free moment with her.

As I sit here, eyeing the cork from what I'm fairly certain was our first bottle of wine- occasionally waving it beneath my nose to try to catch the scent of whatever it was that happened that night - I decide that I'm feeling way to sappy to keep writing, and maybe my over-blown writing style is part of my problem- I think some of Lisa's Drama Queen essence rubbed off on me.   Time to get some sleep.

What a splendidly relaxing and depressing weeknd.   For starters, the last time I made that trek, it was with M to introduce her to my parents, so I got to make the 3 hour drive thinking about that whole situation (like I think about anything else anyhow).   Also it really was a 3-hour drive to cover the 143 miles, as opposed to my usual 2 - 2.5 hours (personal record: 1 hour, 45 minutes- you do the math), thanks to some spectacular storm action, and some spectacularly chickenshit drivers (the slow lane is there for a REASON, people!).

So I get home, hang with the 'rents, and get nostolgic about the old homestead, which they are getting ready to sell to build a new house.   Sitting at the picnic table under the mature ornamental trees and admiring the landscaping that has filled in in the 26 years they've had the place, my thoughts once again turned to the prospect of finding work nearby so I could buy the house I grew up in.  

Fortunately, my High School alumnai association saved me.  They threw a huge reunion bash at the county fairgrounds, complete with performances by the Temptations and several other bands from my parents' era.   Since it seemed that the whole town would be there, I went, and was presented with the painful truth:  I would die of sheer boredom if I moved home again.

Yes, of course, there's the attraction of a lower cost of living, cheap real-estate, and an under-abundance of the cheap-ass tract housing that is burying Columbus in sub-standard architecture and plastic siding.   There's also my extensive family, and cops who know you by name (for better or worse), and a generally wholesome and safe environment for rasing kids (though the likelyhood of that being a factor in my life dwindles by the hour) . But the reunion thing drove home the point that I have no-one to talk to there. I ran into tons of people I knew, and aside from 3 people, every conversation went like this:

The other thing I noticed was that distinctive Northwest Ohio Party Tension. You know what I'm talking about: huge, bored, disgruntled local boys, having arrived in their Mustang/Camero/Chevelle/Nova and imbibed large quantities of cheap lite beer from 1/2 gallon plastic milk-jugs (I was immensely surprised to find they actually had Killians on tap at the reunion; I'm pretty sure I was the only one drinking it) warily circling the festivities waiting for that casual offense to give them an excuse to explode on somebody.  

I don't think I ever attended a party or polkafest (this is NW Ohio, remember) that didn't include at least one fight.   I bailed out of this event at 9 or so to find a pool game downtown (got creamed, twice), so I don't know how it played-out.

My one hope for the class reunion this Fall is that enough of the crew I ran around with in High School will be there to help me empty the jug of Everclear I'm saving for the occasion.

I'll have more on this later...  

For those of you who were wondering, no, this is not my site- though it probably could be.

Somebody once asked me, "BTW, what's up with the online journal?"   Scanning back through this, and one or two others I've done, I'm hard-pressed to come up with a good answer.   In part it's to emulate the creators of my favorite sites, like Mark Driver and Bob Hoover (sorry, Bob wigged-out about a year ago and pulled all his material).   These guys have interresting lives and interresting writing styles.   They have something to say.   I, on the other hand, have had a rather uneventfull life, so I try to make up for it by bouncing car parts off of various parts of my anatomy for your amusement.

7/13/00     OK, I'm already sick of the retarded quotes up there. Your job is to find cheese-free ones and send them in.

7/11/00     That's right, two daily updates in two days!    Not that I really have much to say, other than, 'Eric, it's all for you, so quit yer bitchin, and witness my newly augmented quote dispenser.'

To replace the wrecked GTI, I first bought an '87 Cabriolet, thinking it would be the best of both worlds- a rust-free car that would accept most of my GTI performance parts and have the added bonus of a convertible top and superior German manufacturing. Then I ran accross another, much cleaner, '83 GTI at a good price.

So now I have 4 cars, 3 of which run, none of which have I personally overhauled the breaks, bearings, electronics, etc in to the point that I can confidently hop in one and point it towards California- which was my plan for this Summer. With jumping between them to do upgrades and maintainance, I'm keeping my checking account and sanity depleted, and NONE of them is getting finished.

What set me off was the events of the past couple days - On my way home from work Friday night, the GTI stopped sending power to the wheels (either the diff is blown, the clutch is disintegrated, or one of the inner CV joints is free-wheeling - I haven't had time to tear it apart yet). It took 5 hours to get AAA to find me and tow me home, after much walking in the cold rain. Then Monday on my way home from work the clutch cable broke on my convertible, putting me on foot again.

I've also started taking on some responsibilities at work that require me to take a lot more road trips, and to preferably arrive in style. It may be shallow of me, but even the shiney GTI and Cabriolet don't do it for me in that department. I want something bigger, plusher, and heavier, something that won't complain when I turn on the AC, maybe even something with a waranty.

I'll probably keep one of the old cars - any of them is a keeper in my eyes - and lavish it with whatever is left over from my new car payment and increased insurance rates. That way I can CHOOSE when to work on it, instead of staying up all night so that I have something to drive to work the next day.

Anyhow, for infoprmation on the cars, click here.

one-room schoolhouse page