I know a lot of you have been expecting a long, scorching commentary on current events - though most seem to be a more interested in the rest of that training story from back in August.
2001 GeekLog Archives
Because if, say, there were terrorists operating out of Columbus, and I wanted the Mayor to track them down, I'm thinking that blowing up his police headquarters and killing a bunch of cops, along with several terrorists they had managed to take into custody, would not be the most helpful thing to do.
But if I wanted to keep him from being able to police his people, so that I could continue to use him as a scapegoat, and continue to use the actions of a few fanatics as an excuse steal land and sovereignty from a defenseless group of people- well, gee that would be awfully effective, wouldn't it?
12/1/01 People always ask me...
If I bitch so much about the expense and the time away from work, Why do I rally?
[edit: right-click and choose "save as". It's 18 megs, but well worth the wait.]
11/28/01 On a lighter note...
TOP
TEN BIBLICAL WAYS TO WAGE WAR AGAINST THE TALIBAN:
Blatently stolen from Whitehouse.ORG - which is not to be confused with Whitehouse.COM or Whitehouse.GOV
Dancing in Taliban Blood:
God's 10 Secrets for the Perfect War!
In this age of the secularization (Satanization) of society, America’s 21st century soldiers may not know how God wants them to behave while fighting our enemies. The following are the 10 most prominent Biblical tips for waging a Godly
| 10. AFTER
CONQUERING A CITY, IF YOU FIND A DECENT LOOKING WOMAN UNDER ONE OF THOSE
BEE KEEPER OUTFITS, MAKE HER YOUR SLAVE.
|
| “And when the Lord thy God hath
delivered [a city] into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof
with the edge of the sword: But the women, and the little ones, and the
cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt
thou take unto thyself” (Deuteronomy 20:13-14).
“And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD
commanded Moses; and they slew all the males. . . . And the children
of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones,
and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their
goods” (Numbers 31:7-9).
|
| 9. THOUGH
INCONVENIENT, WHEN KILLING THE PEOPLE, BE SURE TO NOT TO HURT THEIR TREES
(‘CAUSE THAT WOULD BE WASTEFUL).
|
| “When thou shalt besiege a city
a long time, in making war against it to take it, thou shalt not destroy
the trees thereof by forcing an axe against them: for thou mayeth eat of
them, and thou shalt not cut them down (for the tree of the field is man’s
life) to employ them in the siege” (Deuteronomy 20:19).
|
| 8. DON’T
STOP WITH KILLING THEIR SOLDIERS. RUB IT IN. DIP YOUR FEET
IN THEIR BLOOD AND LET YOUR DOGS DRINK IT.
|
| “But God shall wound the head of
his enemies, and the hairy scalp of such an one as goeth on still in his
trespasses. The Lord said, I will bring again from Bashan, I will
bring my people again from the depths of the sea: That thy foot may be
dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the
same” (Psalms 68:21-23).
|
| 7. DON’T
ANONYMOUSLY KILL BIN LADEN AND OMAR IN A BOMBING RAID. AFTER KILLING
THEIR FOLLOWERS, PUBLICLY HANG THEM FOR ALL TO SEE.
|
| “For Joshua drew not his hand back,
wherewith he stretched out the spear, until he had utterly destroyed all
the inhabitants of Ai. . . . And Joshua burnt Ai, and made it an heap for
ever, even a desolation unto this day. And the king of Ai he hanged
on a tree until eventide” (Joshua 8:26-29).
|
| 6. GIVE
THEM A TASTE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE. CUT OFF THEIR HANDS AND FEET
BEFORE HANGING THEM.
|
| “And David commanded his young men,
and they slew them, and cut off their hands and their feet, and hanged
them up over the pool in Hebron” (2 Samuel 4:12).
|
| 5. NEVER
NEGOTIATE WITH THE ENEMY. KILL THEM, SHOWING NO MERCY AT ALL.
|
| “And when the Lord thy God shall
deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them;
thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them” (Deuteronomy
7:2).
|
| 4. DON’T
BE A SISSY. HAVE NO COMPASSION FOR THESE NON-BELIEVERS. KILL
THEM WHILE THEY’RE PRAYING IN CHURCH. KILL YOUNG AND OLD ALIKE, AND
EVEN THOSE TOO FEEBLE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES.
|
| “But they mocked the messengers
of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath
of the Lord arose against his people, till there was no remedy. Therefore
he brought upon them the king of the Chaldees, who slew their young men
with the sword in the house of their sanctuary, and had no compassion upon
young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them
all into his hand” (2 Chronicles 36:16-17).
|
| 3. DON’T
JUST KILL THE HEATHENS. STEAL THEIR PROPERTY AND GIVE IT TO THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CONVENTION.
|
| “And they burnt the city with fire,
and all that was therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels
of brass and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the Lord”(Joshua
6:24).
|
| 2. DON’T
WASTE MONEY ON P.O.W. CAMPS. THROW YOUR CAPTIVES OFF A CLIFF.
|
| “And Amaziah said to the man of
God, But what shall we do for the hundred talents which I have given to
the army of Israel? And the man of God answered, The Lord is able
to give thee much more than this. . . . And Amaziah strengthened himself
. . . and smote the children of Seir ten thousand. And other ten
thousand left alive did the children of Judah carry away captive, and brought
them unto the top of the rock, and cast them down from the top of the rock,
that they all were broken in pieces” (2 Chronicles 25:9-12).
|
| 1. JUST
REMEMBER THIS SIMPLE RULE: KILL EVERYTHING THAT BREATHES AND DESTROY EVERYTHING
IN SIGHT.
|
| “But of the cities of these people,
which the Lord thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save
alive nothing that breatheth” (Deuteronomy 20:16).
“Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city [of nonbelievers] with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword” (1 Samuel 13:15). “And that day Joshua took Makkedah, and smote it with the edge of the sword, and the king thereof he utterly destroyed, them, and all the souls that were therein; he let none remain: and he did to the king of Makkedah as he did unto the king of Jerico. Then Joshua passed from Makkedah, and all Israel with him, unto Libnah, and fought against Libnah: And the Lord delivered it also, and the king thereof, into the hand of Israel: and he smote it with the edge of the sword, and all the souls that were therein; he let none remain in it” (Joshua 10:29-30). Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that
they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and
suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass” (1 Samuel 15:3).
|
11/27/01So what you're saying is...
I can be detained without being told why, or having anyone notified, be appointed a military lawyer, stand trial before a military tribunal, be sentenced and executed, and no-one will ever know what happened to me- all for defacing a corporate website? But in return for this I get to pay taxes to buy bombs to drop on foreign lands and prop up despots and racist regimes- which creates an endless pool of would-be terrorists?
Oh- so only towel-heads need worry? That makes me feel better.
...gotta cut back on the caffeine...
11/26/01 Mark Driver has a new post up
"Wartime is the time to be on guard against the guards, because when the entire public is so busy showing how high they can wave their flag, scary things happen."
11/21/01 as seen on the Internet...
There are three religious truths:
11/19/01 Happy Thanksgiving
I know a lot of you have been expecting a long, scorching commentary on current events - though most seem to be a more interested in the rest of that training story from back in August.
Eventually I may get around to both of them, but right now, I'm just trying not to think to much about what's going on. It makes the veins in my head throb rather alarmingly, and the caption on the left pretty much sums up any hope I have for rational discourse on the matter. I'm just hoping the world wakes up before something pops and I end up confined to a couch, spewing obscenities at CNN.
In the meantime, I leave you with the following links, and a reminder. As the Americans among you head to your Thanksgiving dinners, rememberthat the pilgrims at Plymouth Rock were quite willing to put themselves and their families in harm's way in order to escape oppressive government. They crossed the ocean and faced nature and natives to be free, rather than stay in the comfortable safety of Britain, where they only had to surrender their liberty to live without fear.
The Linkage:
An interview with Osama Bin Ladin - I'm still trying to spot the part where he reveals himself to be a luny. Don't make me bust out a line-by-line comparison to the writings of various war heros throughout Western history. You know I can do it.
Loss of Accountability -
Some essays by an Israeli, Uri Avneri on Media Monitors Network:
Twin Towers
Dear Settlers
The Right of Return
Doonesbury
jin·go·ism (j
ng
g
-z
m)
n. Extreme nationalism characterized especially by a belligerent foreign policy; chauvinistic patriotism.adv.
|
2nd at LSPR in Group2, 2nd Group2 driver (Jon), 2nd Group2 Co-driver (Ken), and 3rd Group2 Co-Driver (me). We missed 1st by 45 seconds over two days of racing. 
|
|
 |
10/16/01 For Immediate Release: Team RallyVW to Go Balls-Out at LSPR
Team RallyVW, of Marrysville, Ohio, has locked down runner-up status
in Group 2 (small-displacement, 2wd class) for the 2001
SCCA ProRally season. Driver Jon Hamilton and Co-Driver Ken Sabo brought
Hamilton's Volkswagen Rabbit to its sixth top-4 finish of the year at the Prescott Forest event in Arizona.
Hamilton is leading 3rd place Eric Burmeister and his wicked-fast new Mazda
Protege by a comfortable 31 points- effectively making it impossible to lose the number two
slot. That fact, combined with damage to the car from the Prescott event, and a
blown engine in the service truck on the return trip, make a rather compelling
case for Hamilton to limit his participation in the final event of the season,
Lake Superior Pro Rally, to
watching it on SpeedVision.
But the Group 2 leader, Dave White, and his bulletproof VW Golf are only
ahead by 19 points- and won't be attending LSPR. If Hamilton can take the 22
points for a first place finish at LSPR, he will take 1st for the season. The 17
points a second place finish would garner would still leave him 2 shy of the top
spot.
So, with only 9 days to prepare, the elite members of RallyVW's service crew
set to work on overhauling the battered 20-year-old Rabbit for one last race
before retirement. One of them even volunteered his truck to serve as tow
vehicle, and another his for service.
Hamilton has called upon Josh W to serve as Co-Driver for this event.
This will be the third time they've run it together. When Josh learned that
only a first place finish will do, that it's the last race for the car, and that
the Rabbit has been lightened and tuned to be faster than ever, he responded,
"does anyone have a full-face helmet I can borrow?"
10/15/01 Just wanted to make the site a little more readable, since Alexis was bitching about it.
Had a great/hellish trip to the East Coast this weekend - more on that once I recover from my hang-over.
10/11/01 Guess no-one ever accused us Americans of being God-like - oh wait, we do...
from Genesis 18:
10/9/01 In God we trust...
O Lord our God, help us tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it . . . -Samuel Clemens (with tongue firmly in cheek- I know some of your clods are bloodthirsty enough right now to take it ltterally)
10/9/01 Vocabulary Lesson
ter·ror·ism (t
r-rzm)
n.
shzm)
l-gärk
)
-tkr-s)-pkr-s)Had a little security breech here at Geek Central Monday morning, but we managed to drive off the D.O.E.'s jack-booted thugs (just what the hell IS a jack-boot?) with claw hammers and naked pictures of J.E. Hoover, eventually regaining control of the compound.
Please enjoy the following, whilst we tidy up.
A quote from Newt Gingrich: "If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they don't have upper body strength. I mean, some do, but they're relatively rare. On the other hand, men are basically little piglets, you drop them in the ditch, they roll around in it, doesn't matter, you know. These things are very real. On the other hand, if combat means being on an Aegis-class cruiser managing the computer controls for twelve ships and their rockets, a female may be again dramatically better than a male who gets very, very frustrated sitting in a chair all the time because males are biologically driven to go out and hunt giraffes." -- Adjunct Professor Newt Gingrich, Reinhardt College, January 7, 1995, "Renewing American Civilization." The following is a letter making Internet e-mail rounds to Rep. Newt Gingrich from Fresno Bee reporter John Scalzi. It includes an informal poll Scalzi conducted on Newt's remarks about --and astonishing misunderstanding of --typical male behavior. Dear Mr. Gingrich: My name is John Scalzi, and I am a columnist for the Fresno Bee in Fresno, California. In the days since the unearthing of your comments about men, women, combat, and the biological drive for men to hunt giraffes, I have taken it upon myself to conduct a poll to see whether that innate giraffe-hunting urge (and the little piglet wallowing urge) is in fact alive and well in the average American male. While the sample polled is statistically small (50 men, basically whomever was handy at the time) and largely comprised of white, college-educated, gainfully employed males, I nevertheless feel that the information gleaned from this poll will be of some value to someone, somewhere, some time. Perhaps you yourself, should the subject of instinctual giraffe slaughtering come up again. Certainly for me, as it takes up the bulk of my column, to be published soon. Thank you for your time, and happy hunting and/or wallowing, whichever the case may be. 1. Have you ever hunted a giraffe? Yes: 0% No: 100% 2. Have you ever had the urge to hunt a giraffe? Yes: 4% No: 96% 3. Provided the right tools and the time, would you hunt a giraffe? Yes: 8% No: 92% 4. If not a giraffe, would you hunt another African savannah animal? Yes: 20% No: 80% 5. If you had to hunt another African savannah animal, which of the following would you choose? a) Zebra: 2% b) Rhino: 6% c) Meerkat: 12% d) Boar: 42% e) Any creature that appeared in "The Lion King": 36% 6. Do you think giraffe would taste like chicken? Yes: 38% No: 62% 7. Might it not make more sense not to hunt giraffe, but rather to set up giraffe ranches? Yes: 92% No: 8% 8. When you see Geoffrey, the Toys 'R' Us giraffe, do you ever get the urge to stick him with a spear? Yes: 40% No: 60% 9. Do you expect that Newt Gingrich has ever had the urge to hunt a giraffe? Yes: 74% No: 26% 10. If Newt Gingrich were to hunt a giraffe, would he use tools, or simply his own mouth? Tools: 48% Mouth: 52% 11. Would you rather hunt a giraffe, or wallow in a ditch like a little piglet? Hunt: 30% Wallow: 70% 12. Would you generally describe yourself as a little piglet? Yes: 22% No: 78% 13. Would you describe Newt Gingrich as a little piglet? Yes: 54% No: 46% 14. If you could, would you hunt Newt Gingrich? Yes: 58% No: 42% 15. Would Newt Gingrich taste like chicken? Yes: 18% No: 82%
This morning was the most sureal trip I've ever been on.
note: the name and location of the site below has been witheld for the confidentiality of the client (I like getting paid) and to prove to the Men in Black that I won't give away any secrets, so there's no need for me to dissappear. =o)
Part of my job description is on-site training. Had one of those to do this morning. Didn't really pay much attention to what the client company does to make money, since it doesn't really make much differrence in how they use our software. When I asked one of the persons I was to train if there was any trick to getting here, they replied to the negative- just come in the front, and the gaurd will call us to come get you. One of the guys here who set up the training made a crack about me "glowing in the dark" when I came back, but I was busy at the time, and didn't give it much thought.
So I set out this morning at 06:00, with a City, street name and number. Drove a bit over an hour to the 'berg in question, which was about a half-mile long. Cruzed down the down the road they were listed on, but couldn't find the business. Stopped in at a hole-in-the-wall carryout to ask directions, and none of the locals seemed to know what I was talking about, despite the fact that the factory once employed 2,000 people and the town only looked to hold 500. Finally, a little old lady gave me directions with a twinkle in her eye that indicated I was in for a surprise.
Turns out that the place was about 10 miles past the town - and 3 miles from the road it was listed as being on. To get there, a non-descript, slightly overgrown overpass crossed the highway, completely devoid of any markings. If the lady hadn't told me about it, I never would have seen it. So I take the unmarked overpass, which has weeds growing up through the cracks in the pavement, and follow a private road past big "Authorized Access Only!" signs. The road comes to a weird 4-way intersection with an odd little traffic light. Straight ahead, the road goes into a HUGE compound of giant (as in, covering acres) cinder block and poured concrete buildings. High-tension power lines come into the little valley that the compound sits in from all directions, as do criss-crossing railroad tracks. Nothing looks like it's seen a lawnmower or much traffic in years. Foot-high weeds are growing around everything. Overgrown parking lots contain a couple cars, indicating that SOMEBODY is home.
A sign indicates that the administration building is to the left, so I turn that way. I follow the road around a curve (turns out it runs all the way around the compound, which is about 3,000 ACRES), and eventually come to a gate chained accross the road. Off to the left, and up a short winding uphill drive is a building that could be administrative. Drive up - the thing looks like it hasn't been entered since Ford was President. I turn the car around and head back, waiting for swarms of Suburbans with bullet-proof, limo-black glass to descend on me.
Back at the light, I take a left, and find myself at a gaurd shack- or rather, a series of them. I'm getting a serious Cold War vibe from the place, as I see a line of shacks, looking to be 60's vintage, and obviously meant to proccess lots of foot and truck traffic. Only one of them is open for business though- the rest are overgrown, have cracked windows, and big rusty chains and padlocks on the gates.
Inside the open shack, the security gaurd is wearing urban camo'd fatigues, combat boots, a black T-shirt, and a HUGE sidearm. He informs me that I'm at the wrong entrance, and directs me to drive all the way aroundthe compound to the back entrance. I do so, park the car, walk up to the other gate, and wait for them to let me in (they were processing someone else, and not inclined to let more than one in at a time).
My trainee was there to meet me, as well as three more gaurds, outfitted the same as the first. They searched my bag, checked my ID, issued me a "pink" card, which is apparrently good for free admission to secure installations throughout the U.S. for one year. They also gave me a pamphlet on obeying warning signs, and what to do in case of a radioactive "incident". Nice. I immediately start feeling a massive headache.
As I'm standing in there, affirming that I am, in fact, a U.S. citizen, through a window I see a truck pull up, departing the compound. The gaurds outside recognize the driver, open the gate, check his papers, and wave him through. Something about how UGLY the guy is catches my eye. I look closely at the dark rings under his eyes, and something is just not right about his head. Then I see the SEAM, as in, the seam around his neck where where the rubber Halloween "scarry old man" mask he's wearing ends! The dude is wearing a frickin' mask, and all the gaurds are acting like this is perfectly normal. My trainee is studiously inspecting her shoes at this point, and none of the gaurds are meeting my eyes.
My Spidey Senses are off the charts, and I'm seriously considering back-pedaling my ass out the door, but there's no way I'd be able to make it to my car before the gaurds pulle dout the M-16s that were no-doubt just out of sight behind the counter and cut me down, and besides, this is pretty damn interresting stuff. So I pretend like I don't see Gramps either, take my stack of vistor badges, and follow my trainee into the compound. (to be continued)
...but I was pretty productive last week, so I'm cutting myself some slack today (I know, hard to believe...). Not really much new to report though. Most of my time lately has been spoken for, with Hockey on Mondays, Biking on Tuesdays, $3.50 Tripple-Features at Studio 35 on Wednesdays, Tribes on Thursdays, and a unending list of duties each weekend.
Two weeks ago I drove my '83 GTI, which I hadn't put more than 40 miles on in the year and a half since I blew up the clutch in it, up to Maine for the Maine Forest Rally, then down to Newport, RI, to deliver it from my brother. The car ran like a top, though there is something wrong with the steering or suspension bushings that made it jerk to one side or the other, depending on if you were accelerating or decelerating. Made for a rather tense 17 hour drive.
Last weekend was yet another bachelor party. This time around, I'm the Best Man for my friend Dave. Since the wife-to-be is... um, a bit paranoid, I was charged with putting together a PG-rated event. It didn't quite work out that way, but we did get in some great go-karting at Speeds and played a bit of Paintball at SplatterPark.
Only had the cops called on us once, when we
went cliff-diving down at a local quarry-turned-housing development. I was
treading water and thinking about how I absolutely HAD to buy one of the condos
on the cliff, after seeing all the little sailboats, kayaks, and swimmers
tooling around (in flat Ohio, any real estate with actual topographic relief-
even man-made - gets us woozy) when I caught the faint scent of bacon, and
looked up to see the sun glinting off of those distinctive mirror-tinted
sunglasses from the top of the cliff, as a Deputy Dawg
motioned for us to start climbing. Fortunately, Columbus' Finest only saw us swimming (they missed the
cannon-balls from 40 feet), so they didn't haul us in.
The best part was, Johnny Law kept telling us
we could not have got there without seeing the No Swimming/Trespassing signs (we
knew we weren't supposed to cliff-dive, but we didn't know you couldn't even BE
there until they showed up) There are lots of apartments around the quarry, and
lots of other people swimming- who also got busted. Apparently no-one is allowed
to swim there, even residents.
What we didn't tell them was that, in fact, we hadn't seen any signs- because we drove up to a private lot, dropped-off the crew, then Jon and I drove our cars a couple miles around the lake, parked at a vacant commercial building, crossed a few yards, ducked under a fence, jumped off a smaller cliff into the quarry lake, and swam about a half-mile to the big cliffs. Figured that would NOT have helped our case any- especially since as soon as they let us go, Jon and I ducked into the bushes, hoofed it back to the water, and swam back to get our cars. =)
This past weekend I installed rear V-brakes on my bike (no frame crack warrantee upgrade for me- guess I need to ride harder), went to a VW show and didn't buy anything but a hat and a CD (although I almost bought another car) partied with some guys from the hockey team (haven't had anyone chunder out of my car window since High School) picked up some parts at the junkyard for the Cabriolet (to replace parts I pulled so that the GTI would make it to Newport), and drove a friend to Cincinnati to test-drive a car.
This coming weekend is ASSCON '01, where all the guys from my tribes team, the Atari Secret Society (You did notice that this site is called geek-out.com, right?) will be coming to Columbus from around the country to drink, play video games, hang out, and drink.
The weekend after that is Dave's wedding, and the weekend after THAT is Labor Day, which I believe will involve a Houseboat on some lake in Tennessee, and hopefully more cliff-diving.
Had a busy week, and a great trip to Maine and Rhode Island last week, but I'm too busy catching up at work to write about it. So I submit the following- some are better than others.
The Top 15 Computer Nerd Alcoholic Beverages
15 Pasty White Russian
14 ASCII Sour
13
Seagram's Seven of Nine
12 Harvey Codebanger
11
Slow Comfortable Download Against the Firewall
10
Chat Room on the Beach
9
Dotcomikaze
8 Blue Daiquiri Of
Death
7 Anything, as long as there's a Mountain Dew
chaser.
6 Screamin' Klingon
5
SCSI Navel
4 Rum and
Jolt
3 Your Company on the Rocks
2
Sloe Porn Download
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Computer Nerd Alcoholic Beverage...
1 Sex in Your Dreams
| Had our second installment of the Tuesday Night
Ride last night, down at Tuttle Park, just North of the OSU campus.
Arrived as a steady rain was starting to fall, and comenced to gettin'
filthy.
The rain turned the hard-packed clay of the trails into something resembling axle grease in composition, which made the twisty trail - which often skirts the edge of the river - expecially interresting. A new, less-groomed section of trail was so tight in the weeds that you could hear the yelps of each rider at regular intervals as we all passed through the same briar patches, and I'm bearing some serious marks on my arms and shoulders this morning. Eat your heart out, Eric - not dust, smog, or rattlesnakes on this ride. Check out that last image- by the time we started heading back, it was pretty foggy in the woods, and getting dark fast. Looks like we'll have to pick up some lights before too long- any excuse to buy more toys... |
 
   |
This is probably my least favorite day of the year, as it would be my 4th wedding anniversary, and it's also more-or-less when things ended with Emily last year, but so far I've been having a hard time building up the proper depression that the occasion calls for. It's even rainy, and we lost our hockey game last night, and the alloy wheels I bought for the TDI were shipped bare, and got scratched to hell by the UPS gorillas. I was planning on going home from work and getting utterly pissed on and assortment of whiskeys and making lots of embarrassing phone calls to the women who've previously shared my life, but instead I'll be taking the bike for a romp in the rain and mud with some friends, then tearing it down for a complete overhaul in hopes of finding a crack in the frame that will let me cash in on the Cannondale lifetime replacement guarantee (new frames have mounts for DISK brakes - w00w00!), and going to sleep early. Weird, must be all the exercise and my healthy diet keeping my endorphin levels abnormally high < he types as he burps up some of the 7-layer burrito from lunch>
...or maybe it's just that the bible is the answer to everything.
6/7/01 Whatever
If you ever want
to find out how many people read your website each day, try taking a swat at
fratboys! Sheesh. I also had one reader come out of the closet and confess that
he'd been a telemarketer for much of his career - of course, he'd been selling
drugs to Jr. High kids before that- totally validating my "telemarketing is
evil" stance.
............
Just got this in the ol' In Box:
----- Original Message ----- From: GetRankedNow@excite.com To: support@peterboro.net Sent: Thursday, June 07, 2001 5:05 PM Subject: About your site > Could your website use more traffic? > > Why not put yourself where people can find you. > We have compiled a list of the top ten traffic > building sites to help you. These sites have been ranked > by our experts, our clients and by you our visitors. > > One of the top three sites, even guarantees top placement > on the top ten search engines. > Go to http://churchseek.net/church/fh489cc/ to find out more!Whattaya think, should I get this place listed among all their church sites? Talk about poorly targeted spam. I think I may just have to take them up on it...
6/5/01 Where to begin?
I've got so much material bouncing around upstairs I don't know where to start. I gotta give more time to these updates, because otherwise I start saying this stuff out loud and hearing how silly it sounds, which takes all the fun out of it.
Our first topic is Alumnae Associations. Got a call from Ohio State's a couple weeks ago. They keep tracking down my new phone numbers, no doubt because they call my parents' house, and Mom gives it to them to get them to stop calling her.
So right away, they're on my shit-list for calling me at home. I refuse to do business with telemarketers - I don't care if you're selling Ferraris for $10 or only need to raise two more dollars to bring about World Peace, You get three polite "no thanks, not interested"s, and then a dial tone. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of anyone who encourages this crap by buying from businesses or giving to charities that invade my home that way.
And then the kid on the phone was a frat boy. Strike Two! I'd rather give my payment info to a crack-head, and I'd rather be talked to about "helping out the campus community" by a burglar...er, vandal- I mean, an arsonist... rapist(?) Huh, guess they got me covered there. Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be frat boys...
But the main reason I'm annoyed is that OSU is calling me to ask for a donation. After 4 years of my time and more of my family's money than I can count (see that quality education at work?) they call me to ask for more money, so that they can build some new state-of-the-art facility, to attract more students, to make even more money - which I will NOT be getting a cut of. Am I the only one who fails to see the logic in this?
How often do you get a call from some skippy at Barnes & Nobel, saying, "Uh, our records show you bought a book from us a few years ago. We're looking to add a new espresso machine to the snack bar, and were hoping that you could see fit to give us some money to help buy it with..."
4/24/01 w00w00! I'm famous!
Was cruising in to work, listening to CD 101 on the radio, when the DJ announced an "important virus warning". Almost before he started into it, my hand was dragging my cell phone out of my pocket, and by the time he finished, I'd dialed in to straighten the record. Hoaxes really annoy the shit out of me, especially when I'm still on my first cup of coffee.
Anyhow, I got on the radio, though no-one at works was listening, apparently. If anybody has a recording, I'd love to get a copy to put up here.
As a reward for being "Caller of the Day" I pick up a free entry to the Run for the Cure race here in Columbus. Hmmmm. I wonder if runner-up to Caller of the Day would get the chance to do pushups until they puke. Oh well, it's the victory, not the prize.
4/23/01 Another dead man walking...
Attended another 3-day bachelor party in Cleveland this weekend. Another member of my crew from High School, Chris, is getting married in two weeks. He was the Best Man (loose term) for the last bachelor party (scroll down) which was pretty fun, so everyone felt pressure to turn things up a notch for his farewell event. Of course, we've all been sworn to a vow of silence on all the stuff that would get him in trouble with his fiancé, but highlights include a confrontation Friday night with a pack of whatever passes for rednecks in Cleveland in the parking lot of a strip club at 3 am.
The Best Man, Mike, had driven separately, while the rest of us got dropped off and had planned on taking a taxi home. We were standing around outside after closing, while I, being the most sober of the bunch (I thought) was trying to call in a cab, when Mike found himself in a heated conversation with the chief redneck, while all the junior rednecks began to gather.
Since we were outnumbered and unharmed, with the doors of the club locked and the taxi a half-hour away, I began herding people into Mike's Jetta. We were able to get all but three (including me) of our ten stuffed in there. The rednecks started to disperse, having chased the yuppies away, and mike was talking about getting out of there, leaving the three of us to wait for the taxi.
About that time, the chief redneck pulled up next to the Jetta in his pickup, said something along the lines of, " I thought you might like to smell this," and proceeded to smoke-off his tires for a good twenty seconds while staring straight ahead with that blank, dull look in his eyes that can only come from a combination of alcohol and being "genetically challenged." He then tore away to do donuts in the parking lot as we tried desperately to stifle our laughter.
Mike again expressed an interest in getting the heck out of there. My response was that no fricking way was he leaving the three of us behind - we're all going. So we piled two more guys on top of the four in the back seat - and guess who rode in the trunk.
Saturday we did the customary golf outing. We hit the course as soon as a storm finished getting it soaked. Only rolled one cart this time, and didn't break any bones, but what we lacked in quantity we made up for in style. Chris, the groom-to-be, who was one of the casualties of the last event, was driving along the edge of a four foot drop-off to a foot deep creek at top speed, when one wheel slid off the bank.
I was just preparing to putt when I looked up to see the cart slowly slide off the bank, and the passenger, Kevin, diving out of the way as it flipped briefly onto it's roof before coming to rest on it's side in the water. Chris emerged from the center of the cart, holding BOTH of their beers, having not allowed a drop to spill. My hero. He placed both of them carefully onto the bank before returning to Kevin and the cart.
We extricated the cart and continued to play out the last six holes. They then ran the cart out to the parking lot for some impromptu body work before turning it in.
Lessons Learned:
2/23/01 In honor of Alexis' birthday...
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin put together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen.
Here is this year's list:
Do you feel old yet?
3/9/01 Just a quick update before I take off to Tennessee for the Cherokee Trails International ProRally in Chattanooga.
I love Tennessee - the area the race is held in is beautiful, and there's a strong sense of tradition there.I'll be leaving Sunday in my TDI Golf, loaded down with computer equipment, mountain bikes, and my wet suit (in case I have time to go kayaking). I'll be there for a whole week, and incorporating a much-needed vacation into my official duties. Been getting rather tense at work, but at least it's better than being back in school
Might even get to try hang-gliding while I'm down there. Ya know, I take a lot of crap for driving a Cabriolet and a baby blue Rabbit pickup, but at least most of my hobbies are pretty manly.
For this event I'll be working as "Director of Technology" or some such crap, which basically means I'm the glorified A/V Geek. I'm in charge of getting digital video and images uploaded to the site, wiring up the two LANs that will be used to process scoring and get that uploaded, and generally doing whatever HTML work the Webmaster, Oran, doesn't have time for. I'll be online quite a bit, so just click here if you need any help.
The RallyVW team will still be running the race, with Ken taking his turn in the passenger seat.
2/19/01 I've been really good lately about staying off the Rally-L mailing list- and I can't believe that NASCAR brought me back...
----- Original Message ----- From: "Heath" To: rally-l@scifi.squawk.com Sent: Monday, February 19, 2001 8:56 AM Subject: [R] Safety Devices was Re: HANS? > > Some time ago I watched a deal on HBO sports about > Hockey players not wearing face shields even though > the incident rate for eye damage was high without it. > One of the people against mandating the use of face > shields was actually a player that was washed up cause > he was blind in one eye from a high stick. Really > odd. My eyes are something I'm rather carefull with, > so that really struck me as odd. Love the pun. > If I was a phycologist, that whole anti-safety > phycosis would really facinate me. Look at how > difficult it was to convince people to wear seatbelts > - it had to be made law in most states, and even that > wasn't enough, we had to have air bags incase you > still were resistant to saving your own skin. No, we're resistant to living boring, pointless suburbanite lives in a padded child-safe environment where we are never allowed to do any REAL living because it might injure us or raise our cholesterol level. Go rent Fight Club. > If my choices are > Seat belt - live, or No seat belt - die, > I'll wear a seat belt. Aggreed, especially since a seat belt actually HELPS you drive better - by keeping you firmly in your seat. Although, if you're gonna go live or die, black or white: stay home in bed - live, or get in car - die. Shall I order up Meals on Wheels for you? =o) > Eye guard - sight, or No eye guard - blind > I'll wear an eye guard. Dissaggreed. I play hockey. I started out wearing a full face-mask. Had my helmet get misplaced once, and the only loaner available before the next game had no shield at all. I played with it, found my helmet, played with the facemask again for a game, and removed it before the next. The facemask is a HUGE impedance to seeing the puck. I am much more able to track it, especially at my feet, without that grid of bars throwing my focus off. Of course, I only play once or twice per week, in a leage where very few people have the skill to get the puck off the ice at all, let-alone to head level - but if I were a pro, I think I would be even less likely to wear a shield, because of the level of competition. And don't talk to me about plastic ITec shields until you've worn one for an hour. Distortion. > HANS - live, or No HANS - die, > I'll use the HANS (given proper data that > substantiates it's benifits of course). And let's see that data. I wear a neck brace when I rally, even though it's not required and it's hot and causes my neck to break out in a rash after every event. I do this because A) a broken neck in a wreck is worse than broken teeth or cheekbones in hockey and B) because it helps support the weight of my helmet. From what I understand, the HANS system immobilizes your head. It's hard enough to see what's around you when you're in a 5-point harness, but having to rely completely on mirrors to see what's beside you doesn't sound like much fun. Nobody has said they COULDN'T use HANS - just like nobodyy says I can't wear my neck brace. Dale decided it was more hassle than was warented by the additional safety it might have afforded him. I don't think that has changed for the other drivers, so I doubt you'll hear them calling for, or welcoming, HANS. The radio station here has been playing Dale's quotes on cement walls and car safety all morning. I think NASCAR's problems are on two points 1) the restrictor plate technology is such that they really are driving about the same car out there, which keeps the cars close together, as opposed to better cars leaving behind or lapping the pack, and 2) The speedways are getting too fast- not enough turns to slow them down (or make it interresting to anyone who's not just looking to see a wreck, IMO). HANS won't change any of that,and might result in more crashes if it interferes with vision in the pack. -Josh "Still waiting to die in a car fire" W.
2/15/01 Got this in the Email - just had to post...
Phrases you wish you could say at work
2/9/01 Still not much to report. Been trying to keep out of heated online discusions, so I don't have any of my usual caustic wittiness to share. Spent most of this month reshuffeling my garage (see the VW section in the window).
1/3/01 Happy New Year!
Not really much to discuss, I was just finishing up the 12/19 post below.
Got a good haul at Christmas, which was a pretty bittersweet event. Got to see most of my relatives, and play with my cousins' kids, and reflect on the fact that I'm almost 30, and not feeling terribly motivated to find someone to have my own with.
Spent my first Christmas without Grandma Emmel, helping Grandpa empty his house so he can move into a tiny cell of an assisted living apartment. Got an awesome Persian rug from my indulgent Aunt Dee, which at the same time both gave me hope that I could play a similar role for future nephews & nieces and reminded me that I live in a closet to small to do the rug justice (that, and it's probably worth more than everything else I have in the place, combined).
At least now that the Holidays are over, and the contract job I was working on is done, I can relax for a bit. Just have to prep for the Snow*Drift ProRally at the end of this month. I'll also be taking my Ham radio licence exam in a couple weeks, so that I'll be able to do scoring and news updates for Cherokee Trails International Rally in March. Aside from that, I'll be spending a lot of time playing Tribes, using my latest nom de guerre, |ASS|Frogger, of the Atari Secret Society.